She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
