Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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