Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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