Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
