Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
