just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm always down for nudity.
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