Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
