Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
