you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
