He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
