i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
