hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
