apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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