I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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