He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize