3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
