I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We left the knife in your bed.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
