like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
