Im at strip club and am horny
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
