VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
