Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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