he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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