Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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