Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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