One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
