Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
