the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
