Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
