I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
