just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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