Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
