i barfeds in our rink
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
