if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
