I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize