i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
