I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
