He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
