Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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