you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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