i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
