I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
