He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
