I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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