ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
