Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
