Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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