Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
