this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
