I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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