I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
