that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
