Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
