I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
