I want to have your abortion
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
