i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
