And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize