Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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