I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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