At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize