I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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