my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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