No stitches, just platelets and will power
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
