Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
