4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
