God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
