I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
