I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
