So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
