Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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