my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
