Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
