Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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