New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
