i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
