So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
