I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My vagina is officially offended.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
