he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
