Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
