It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize