My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
