Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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