Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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