I love black thongs
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
