She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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