Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
