i don't like sucking hair
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
