overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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