sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
