I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
