Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
