i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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