dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
