But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
