No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
