dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
