Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
