if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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