I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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